Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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