He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
