my phone needs a breathalizer
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
