Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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