we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
