Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
