better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
