i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
