Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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