Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
