I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
