Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Randomize
