Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
