i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
