My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
