I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
