So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
