I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
