i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
