They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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