I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I need a beard to bite.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
