Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
