I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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