So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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