Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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