A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
