I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
