Where did you get a picture of my penis
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
