I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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