You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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