3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
