I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
