She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
