my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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