we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Randomize
