I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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