He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
