I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
