I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
