went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
