I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
