Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
