So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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