would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
