I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
