Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
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