Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
