is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
