its not stalking. its research.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
