My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
