So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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