3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
