So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
